good-lace's Diaryland Diary


Boobie Prize

Guess what the activity is in my right breast? If you guessed that the doctor totally missed the tumor and took out naturally occuring breast tissue, then you win the boobie prize. (pun intended)

My girl came with me to get all of the tests redone Wednesday. After hours of testing, the radiologist called us into her office. At first she seemed to be beating around the bush, and then she said "just let me get to the point, the tumor is still there." My girl said I made a sound like someone punched me in the stomach.

I kept asking over and over again how could that happen. She kept saying she had no idea, and that she would have to get together with my surgeon to discuss the details. She apologized about 10 times.

My surgeon had told me in advance that the radiologist would put the lead wire/huge needle into my breast, into the center of the mass, and that he would then go in and cut around the lead wire. He told me that everything inside the breast looked the same, so he depended entirely on the wire/needle being in the right place.

Neither doctor can explain to me how this happened.

There is no way to explain what I'm feeling, and my poor husband too. It's as if we've become numb. I'm really bad off. I'm sad, quite, reserved, - none of the things that used to make me who I am. I'm furious. I'm scared.

The doctor called me tonight at 8:00 pm and still couldn't tell me what went wrong. He said it HAS to come out. I told him I didn't want to think about going through the surgery again. He said he would understand if I wanted another doctor to do the surgery this time. I asked him how do we know the same thing won't happen again. He said it's so rare that he can assure me it won't happen again.

Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone I know, has told me to sue the radiologist for malpractice. My boss called a malpractice attorney and told him the story. The other attorney said this is exactly what causes doctors to get sued, and that I definately had a very strong case.

The biggest problem is how scared I am. I had confidence in my doctor to take care of me. I thought he was a freakin' genius, and that comforted me. How in the hell can I find another doctor that I can trust to take care of me?

How bad I wish the Wellbutrin had worked. By the second day it had me so confused that I was looking at a calendar and couldn't figure out what day it was. I stopped it after 8 days. It's been 5 days since I took it, but I still feel a bit confused and out of touch with reality. This sucks.

11:23 p.m. - 2004-05-07


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